Tag Archives: Tangy Tuesday

Insensitive them or Extra-sensitive moi?

Posted on by under All about me...

In law school one of the very first principles that we encountered as 1st year students was the “egg skull/ shell” theory – which to state in simple terms lays down that you cannot blame a person for being negligent when you are over sensitive!

Why this? Am I teaching you Law of Torts 101 – oh hell NO! Am swamped editing a 600 pager manuscript for my upcoming law book and trust me after I get done with that, I don’t think I want to impart legal gyaan for a long long time.

This is because of some food for thought that has accumulated over the weekend and I am thinking whether it’s them or is it me, who needs a refresher course on dealing with people!

Them here can be divided into two categories – those who think being close is asking for free copies of the book and the other category is those who do not really know what a joke is.

Disclaimer are those BFF’s who are reading and have joked about a signed copy when I get a best-seller going *the sneaky me agreed knowing that there is no best seller in sight – ha ha ha :D * – this is NOT for you (also it is a different fact, that despite the jokes ALL of you have bought the book and never really waited for me to courier a copy – My darlings muaaah!). This is for that “mama ke bete ke tau ke school friend ke chachi ne behen ke mausa ke friend ke FB contact ke bhai ke Twitter buddy ke nati ke dost” who just happens to be an acquaintance and truly feels that since he / she knows you it is but your duty to gift them a copy of your book, with a long hand written note saying how much he / she means to you and with the gifting comment that if he/ she doesn’t like the book then you shall ask your publisher to withdraw it from the market!

If you refuse however, you get to hear that you are just being an @$$ as the publisher has definitely given you an unending mountain of free copies! The stingy you is then given looks that can even burn down the library at Alexandria and for a long time at every meeting you are told tales of your inconsiderate behavior.

I asked one of them if they ever knew what went into writing a book? One I asked if she would be happy if her husband worked without a salary because after all he was helping friends! True to my expectations she got flustered and dared me to utter one more word against her husband. I just smiled and she hurled that she husband is an “ENGINEER” and thus his profession cannot be joked about. She was “just joking” with me as people usually crack such jokes at “Authors” – esp the not famous ones! Yes she said that! :)

The conversation that followed is not what bothers me, what bothers me is her mindset and what I considered ignorance and insensitivity! :/

The other acquaintance pinged from US of A to let me know that he had “downloaded my book” – horror of horror for any author. With the piracy market on the rise, I know how much precautions I take to ensure that no pdf is actually found on the net of ACTC. It means running late night searches, pleading tech friends to help me and a lot of other things. However, we do not think of all this because it is yet again a joke people like me should be used to. Also, am a strong supporter of anti-piracy, I truly believe that creativity does come with a price tag just like the shampoo you love and are willing to spend for! If you expect it for free, you are actually promoting a very dark future! The conversation flinched me:

Time and again I have wondered how people find such things to be funny, when did we lose respect for emotions and sentiments? The brilliance of the most common retort amazes me : “Of course, now you have become way too big for jokes from friends like us” or the complete opposite : “Who do you think you are, Jhumpa Lahiri that I should think twice before talking to you!”

I have always acted like me, the mirror still smiles the way it used to 6 months back! I still am the goofy, sarcastic moi with my girl gang – to me I haven’t changed and to all those who think I have, am proud of the change! :) Also, the fact that it’s not about me – it is about the mindset towards a profession that I speak for! Why shouldn’t you pay a doctor just because he/she is a friend? Why should you pay a lawyer because you know him from school? Why do we have to mix friendship with the professional services an individual has to offer and then when questioned, turn personal?

Still somewhere the food for weekend thought is – have I suddenly developed a weak egg skull? Or do you also find it as distasteful humor as I do?

All that was playing in the background as I typed this was “respect’ by Aretha Franklin on a loop:

Aaj phir jeene ki "Tamanna" hai …

Posted on by under All about me...

Edited to Add: This post has been selected as the Blogadda’s Tangy Tuesday pick for November 2, 2010. It humbles me and makes me stand touched that Tamanna has been so warmly received by all of you. I am not sure if Tamanna would understand this entire concept of blog world as of now, but yes I’ll tell her in my own way as to how much people are glad to know her. Thanks guys for standing by me!

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I don’t know how many of you remember this wish of mine.

Yes yes – things were different then and wishes and dreams had a backing. But I can’t let dreams die out because suddenly I woke up without my back support right? I mean if I am living, breathing I should also dream right … as IHM said in her post – “The pain will never go, but you will smile again.”

So here I welcome to my world Tamanna – my God child. After months of deliberation, after endless sleepless nights, after random chats with a soul sister and encouragement from another soul mate I took this decision last week.

I know it’s BIG, HUGE a responsibility, but I know I am ready. For I know if he was here with me, this wouldn’t be my solo decision and that Tamanna would be ushered in too.

I have always been active in the kiddo segment and so when I called up my favourite organisation wing in Mumbai and gave references of our association during the AILA episode, they were more than glad to help. Here I was introduced to the Nanhi Kali – Tamanna. It’s not her real name, but the name ‘we’ loved, so here is the escape. I am not to give out her background or her picture, because I don’t want people to tell me what a noble thing I am doing.

It’s high time we realise that we don’t mentor people to oblige them. It’s an association where both the individuals who need each other come close to grow up together in their individual and conjoint worlds. That’s why I needed Tamanna. To me the moment I met her she was the nanhi kali I wanted to bloom in the most fragrant way.

She is not to live in with me for seeing her tender age and her bond with her elder sibling I don’t want to displace her and yes of course the larger issue being am not ready for full-time adoption. So I have decided to mentor her in my own way. I am to meet her as many times as possible in a week and we shall decide the course of education, fun, and discover ways to handle life together.

When I met her today, I saw a fragile shy young girl who hid behind her grandmother and refused to face me. M4 had warned me earlier of the emotional baggage Tamanna was to come with, Minal had repeatedly told me that I should just be myself and let the warmth flow. So when her grandmother started talking to me in Marathi, I looked at her helplessly and confessed that I had come there so that I could learn Marathi.

The giggles started and the ice broke as we spoke about “boogie woogie”, name-place-animal-thing, and all that you can think of in your pig tailed days. There was something in her smile which made me realise that no matter how tough the road looks (yes it is tough – all of that in some other post) it’s not impossible.

I don’t know where this road will lead me, but one thing is for sure as I spoke to Ma about this and later M4 and Minal, I knew that I have angels to look over both of us – me and Tamanna and help us bloom.

Welcome Tamanna people – I need all of your wisdom and pranks to help this work! I hope it does. And Y no matter where you are, needless to say this is for you – for no matter what happened I can never take the credit out for the way you have changed my life!

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Edited to Add: This is the last weekend of the Breast Cancer Awareness Month – A dreaded word which is like the bitter medicine we all must be aware about. I tried my bit by contributing about the legal rights of breast cancer patients at 2 guests posts @blogadda (When a pink ribbon is tied over the black advocate robe – Part I and Part II). Hope you adorned the pink ribbon too.

Blog for International Women’s Day!

Posted on by under All about me...

Gender Across Borders is hosting a new event this year called “Blog for International Women’s Day ” commemorating United Nation’s this year’s theme- “Equal rights, equal opportunity: Progress for all!”
It’s a nice idea I feel to just pen down thoughts of what equality means to each one of us through a feminist perspective.
Here goes my post on the above theme:

 

Ma… I call out softly, careful not to disturb the man lying next to you,
Answer me oh mother of mine, for my life’s hours are few!
You stir, you look around, the faceless voice leaves you bewildered,
I wonder whether it’s because you can’t recognize this voice so you are having me murdered?
You couldn’t read my call, but my wondering was well received,
No my dear never-to-be-born-daughter – you call out, like you I was also deceived!
But Ma, weren’t you born to one of the most educated houses?
And brought up by one of the city’s most sophisticated spouses?
You smile and you snicker,
I see a faraway look on your face amidst the sodium lamp’s flicker!
Yes, I was …. Loved, educated and taught to live,
But I forgot about the tricks of life tucked up in the sleeve!
That behind the heavy curtains of sophisticated homes,
Lie screams and cries that cannot escape the lofty domes!
That the life I was bestowed wasn’t an equal one,
And the lessons they gave at school were unrealistically spun!
But Ma, weren’t you the one who stood by other girls rights?
Who inspired other women to put up brave fights?
Yes, my dear indeed I was as you say,
But then I found life’s realistic answer in one play!
When said Panchali’s nanny to her one day,
That, nobody minds what other girls do, till women in their own family do not go astray.
That, when you came in my womb little one,
I promised to myself to give you a life equal to my son.
But then I had forgotten that equality begins with life,
And here to let you breath was strife!
I knew that those rays which penetrated my womb took your childhood away,
But a feotus has no life they say.
But Ma I’m alive, see talking to you, you can feel me can’t you?
Yes my never-to-be-born-daughter I know that’s true,
But the darkness of death is better than an abusive life, you should know that too!
So sleep my little one… sleep for a while in my womb,
For tomorrow the same is going to be re-christened as your tomb!
 
Equality begins with life, and I strongly believe that life begins the moment a feotus is conceived. Every healthy feotus irrespective of the difference in genitals has the right to live a dignified life. To me to respect each life crossing the borders of gender is where equality begins, rest all can wait, because without the right to life, rest all rights are futile.

This Women’s Day my idea of equality is my right to stand up against female feoticide – to make people aware that every healthy feotus has the equal right to live a dignified life!

P.S: In case you read this consider yourself tagged. But with efforts on my part I tag
and yes for the very special Ammu and Ishita
Hope to see your posts ladies and yes do sign up for the event using the icon appearing on my blog and please tag your posts with “Blog for IWD” or “Blog for International Women’s Day”!
Happy Women’s Day 2010!

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This post has been edited to add this : I am elated to say that My post this a part of Blog Adda’s Tangy Tuesday Pick for the Week :D and features here.

THANK YOU BlogAdda :D