Tag Archives: funny

A tag after a long time …

Posted on by under All about me...

With me being away from the blogging scene for almost a year now it feels good to be tagged. You know how after you are absent from school for a long long hiatus and you come back to discover that some friends will still play with you during lunch – yes the relief is quite akin!

So, here it goes – I have been tagged by Privy and asked to post the rules before I go on with the tag:

  1. You must first post the rules.
  2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create 11 new questions to ask the people you have tagged.
  3. Tag 11 people and link them to your post.
  4. Let them know you have tagged them.   (What don’t go :roll: I did post the rules, Privy never told me anything about not having the right to draw a line right across words :P

(P.S: There’s a reason why I did that – Read on ) …

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

I would banish all boring school teachers from the universe (It’s a different story that then my school will have a LOT I mean a LOT of vacancies!!!!)

What was your favourite childhood television program? 

Wonder Years (this one came out in a zap) – I had this huge crush on Kevin and I cried every time he did. I also secretly wished for a cute neighbor like him and blamed my lack of dates on my dad’s refusal to find a job in Ummmm-reeee-kaaa where the kinds of Kevin seem to galore!

I still remember that I said sang the theme song to the Mistah, during the early days and hearing about my tuneless “What would you do, if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?” he had assured me that he would instead join in and I had decided never to let go of this man who can survive this nightmare! :P

Have / had any celebrity crushes ?

Yes Rajdeep Sardesai for long long time. Well let’s say till I discovered Twitter (Ok, stop rolling your eyes :roll: – everyone knows I am a forever nerd!)

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?

To the North Pole to watch the aurora borealis – one of the bucket list points to be done with the Mistah! #crazythingsthatlouuueeeemakesyouwishtodo

Name 1 thing you miss about being a child.

Snuggling into GM’s arms – I just wish my childhood came back so that I could live-in with her again! *Gosh, I still can’t write about her without the screen going blurry*

Name the one comic/book character that you loved the most and why?

Calvin and Hobbes *Same pinch Privy* – mainly because I failed to understand as a kid that why whatever Calvin did was funny enough to be published in books (imagine!!!!) while similar stories of mind did rounds of horrific gasps at the dining table *Did I already do my rant about the horrible horrible ways of the world? If not, please insert it here. If yes, repeat on a loop, please*

What is the one thing that you are dying to try but haven’t had a chance to do so yet ?

Scuba diving – though the fact is that I am not particularly fond of fishes. Despite being a bong I detest eating them and have never found them pretty. #strangefactswhichmakeyougaspbutaretrue

Do you have a role model – someone you want to emulate? Whom do you admire the most?

My mother. I wish I could be a wonderful mother like her when I have a daughter like me   She should be given Noble Prize for Peace just for raising me without the world knowing what she went through.

What do others make of you?

Weird. Asocial. Sharp tongued. No nonsense. Over ambitious… (to be contd.) #afewlistsareindeedendless

Have you ever gotten into a fight or punched someone ?

Yes of course! Am completely no nonsense and as a kid Ma had taught me that “Never initiate a fight, but if anyone slaps you – make sure to give back two slaps in return. NEVER come back home crying to me.” I live it to the T still.

For Girls – If you woke up tomorrow to find out you are Brad Pitt, what would be the first thing you’d say upon looking in the mirror???

Has the Mistah woken up to find himself to be Angelina Jolie?

Is there anything, that others complain about you..?

Yes loads, refer to the answer written two questions above! Also that I am too closed, people barely know me despite me telling them that they are my friends. And it’s true I can barely share my space with anyone – apart from my family and M that is.

Now, the tagging part.
:D :D … here’s the special part. I hold all readers close *yes I say that in the tone in which Amisha Patel gives a msg to her fans – where she “assumes” that she has fans in the first place. My case fans with readers!* thus I shall be happy if anyone picks this tag up. In fact if you are reading this consider yourself tagged! :mrgreen:

Thanks Privy, I had fun doing this! :)

Just before I went Nuts …

Posted on by under All about me...

I have discovered a lot a last few months. About myself, the world around me and then again back to knowing about myself. One of the most important discoveries in this process was to realise that I don’t have what is commonly referred as “Tree Nut Allergy”. What’s so great you ask? Do you know approximately 34% of the world population suffers from allergic reactions to nuts, and half of them die because of that! And you say it’s not a relief to know that I can lick clean the peanut butter spoon each time I land at home, just ignoring my ‘love handles’ (God knows why are they called that, for they can’t EVER handle love for nuts anything! :roll: ) as they groan! Stupid people! :|

Well it’s a very important fact and I suggest that you check out your sustainability too. There’s a quick online method too (no needles :D ) for checking – just click here!

Do you know you are at a risk of being labelled each day, each hour by someone or the other. Yes apart from monsters, there are other creatures watching you too – especially your sanity. Have you ever wondered whether you are a Mail nut (crazy about postal), hale nut (ahem ‘healthy’ ), jail nut (addicted to living in jails!!!!), pale nut (anaemic), sale nut (the one who cannot resist a bargain), tri psycho (multifaceted nuts) or JUST PLAIN NUTS (psych illogical – commonly found here)?

Never? NEVER? Are you serious??? Paah – to prove you need to log in to www.sanityscore.com - which offers a simple online quiz designed to assess aspects of your mental health, including your risk for depression, anxiety and other emotional disorders. Wait – it might not open on your mere mortal browser – so me the noble soul shall help you (yes what would humanity do without me???). :roll: :mrgreen: :roll:  Just click here to get instantaneous results (If you can survive the entire archive at one go – NEXT TIME SOMEONE CALLS YOU NUTS – BREAK SOME OF THEIRS!) :evil:

Do you know Nuts have always baffled people – particularly the aphrodisiac ones! ;) ;) ;) Ahem so each nut is special and hence kindly handle with care. :oops: :razz:

Roald Dahl once wrote:

I had a little nut-tree,

Nothing would it bear.

I searched in all its branches,

But not a nut was there.

“Oh, little tree,” I begged,

“Give me just a few.”

The little tree looked down at me

And whispered, “Nuts to you.”

Nuts – we get it easily – and so take for granted. Just the way you guys take my intelligence and profound talk to be for granted. :mad: :cry: :mad:

But have you ever wondered that the Nut you ignore could be on the brink of being pre-historic. The legend goes that before the origin of the nut was discovered, it was widely believed that these nuts were a gift of the sea, sent from a mythical tree goddess at the bottom of the ocean. The nuts were highly sought after as decorations by the nobility in Europe. Once in their possession, they would then clean, carve and decorate them with precious jewels. When they occasionally washed up on India’s shores they were seen as the female counterpart to the Shankara stones, found on Hindu altars. Indian priests have used them as ritualistic water vessels and you can still see Hindu holy men using them today, as begging bowls. In tantra the shell is celebrated as a symbol of creation and fruitfulness. No-one really knew where they came from until the year of 1768 when the true source of the nut was discovered. (Do you know you can actually repeat this on your valentine date and appear profound!!! No! No need to thank me or kiss my feet I am genetically generous! :mrgreen: :oops: :mrgreen: )

So the wise say, that you should never ignore a Nut. In fact whenever you should find one, hold them close to your heart (lips and hip too! ;) ;) ) and make them feel special each day. And on their b’day maybe bake them a special Fruit and Nut cake and sing ‘Happy B’day Nuttie’!!!

Happy B’day my favourite Nut – I so wanted to stay there and bake an extra special cake for you. But guess this time you’ll have to forgive me and do with this post instead!

You are indeed our favourite Nut!

P.S: Before all of you rush here to wish the Nut a happy B’day – kindly do not forget to check What Kind of a Nut are you???

(Aaaa)Choooo kar mere dil ko…

Posted on by under All about me...

I must have met you in the womb,
And I know I’ll carry a part of you to the tomb…
It amazes me the way you engulf me at each break of dawn,
You make me so vulnerable that even at my mightiest I’m the weakest fawn.

You make me flush, you make me blush,
You clog my senses without the adrenalin gush.
They say there’s a way to love you – the elite way,
When you must be a flutter never heard during the day.
But then when have they known the orgasmic pleasure of letting know of you aloud,
There’s is a sadistic joy you find – kissing me in public, as my cheeks flush and the nerves pound!

They see you with me and bless me,
The young stop to see you harassing me with glee.
You leave me in a mess, I curse you with all my might,
They say all things I should do to keep you at bay, but nothing works right!

No matter what, no matter how – I think I shall give into fate,
That I have to live with you around – surviving with a pinch of hate.
But one thing is sure you are the only one that can make the ‘butterfly me’ freeze,
And that’s why this is an Ode to you my dearest Sneeze!

Filmy Friday – For I learnt here that English is indeed a "phunny" language!

Posted on by under All about me...

“Haan ji .. so will you revert back on my mail? ” :?: :?: :?: - she looks at me expectantly and a pregnant pause follows. :roll: :roll: :roll:

:shock: :shock: :shock: *imagine Ekta Kapoor style one old man who hears his unmarried daughter saying that she is to become the mother of her lover’s child*

“Nahiiiiinnnnnn” I go – to save the baap trouble *he’s old you see and Adam’s apple not all well courtesy the “ciggys he blows”* :cool: :lol: :cool:

“Anyways let’s chuck that”, she continues and I write what follows in my mind *yes I think I have become akin to Rushdie (apparantly he conceived a few of his masterpieces in his sleep – ahem when Lakshmi made him sleep on the couch that is ;) ;) )*

*Black and White* *Sepia* *Black and White* – *Imagine watching any reality show and you’ll know what I mean* :shock: :shock: :shock:

M would say “Bhavnao ko samjho – shabdon pe mat jao” :roll: (appreciate the emotions and don’t cling on to words) but how can I? Me who has been the stickler for “original” Shakespeare in school and one of the three students who insisted on reading Plato in the purest form in college (my professor was first estatic on finding me and then he used to run away the moment he spotted me for he says my forehead came with the inscription – “Sir extra classes please” – tghis is what geniuses have to face people!!!! :roll: ) – wishes today she too was in grave. But then is this damage new – wonder? :? :?

My lingo is already gone to the dogs, I shamefully admit and the blog posts often stand witness of the sad punctuation. But what about Anarkali’s? International school in the national habitat means ‘fake accent’, Tamanna’s usage of ‘cool’ makes me flush and concocted verb-noun phrases in conversation makes me wish I really don’t communicate in English – as a courtesy to the Wren *I somehow had this image in school that he was hotter than Martin and had picked up that ravishing red color for the cover* :oops: :idea: :oops:

What inspired this today – aah well I thought “I Hate Luv Storys” was where Bollywood would stop going Filmy with the language – but guess no they are really Baccha (including Shruti Hassan some Bratty creature – I stared at her for over an hour n yet failed to understand what’s the hype all about – u better pay my ophthalmologist fee this season!!!) else why wouldn’t they understand that the caption “Love Grows … Men don’t” makes little sense when it is based on 3 men all above the height of 5’8”?? Or am I over reacting here??? :roll:

Guess it’s all about nipping at the bud stage – why blame when we still sing “Rain is falling chama cham cham” once during every Anatakshari game???? :cry:

Guess English toh Baccha hai ji aur mera thoda kaccha hai ji!!!! (Guess English is still a kid and mine still a little raw) :roll: :cry: :roll:

Filmy Friday : Mumbai Salsa (to updated status of Umrao Jaan)

Posted on by under All about me...

My last post made me realise a lot of things – firstly that you guys love me wayyyyy too much to be rude about my whining and that yes “acceptance is the key” – so I need to accept the mess and pick up the broom to clean it. Hmmmmm done .. I selected the broom today (No, ex – law schoolites it’s not PINK in color!) and tomorrow shall be a long drawn brush (I am writing in to the centre head to request for a personal appointment along with the counsellor – shall take it from there. One step at a time!)

So what do you do when you wrap up a pending assignment or home issue – you feel like putting up your feet and watching a nice movie right? – a chick flick, mindless sort of a movie that leaves you either in splits or in mush! What does DQ DW do – nothing she just watches her own life – trust me there’s no bigger soap opera in this part of the world! Ok DI stop going :roll:

When I had landed in Mumbai (that sounds straight out of Once Upon a Time in Mumbai!!!!) I had two major pre-requisites 1. There has to be a library near my house 2. There has to be a dance class which I love attending. Both fulfilled me was leading a happy life – till one day my dance instructor class really happened to me!

Ok so here starts the movie drama – DQ, M (dragged along literally) in a dance class lead by A (guy) and D (girl) and zillion others who don’t matter (baaah extras who are paid 50 bucks for each time they show up!). We dance – with D and with the “extras” but rarely with A (I don’t pay much attention to him though M finds him cute! I warn her yet again about cute guys!).

 One day suddenly on the “dance class” day the sun was extra bright and the flowers kissed each other (like in Rajesh Khanna movies) and birds chirped and Julie sang – “Young birds are mating then why am I waiting” (errrr … Ok I forgot the first line! Big deal u guys got the song right?) A decided to lead our class and there I danced danced and danced till he asked me to leave his hand and I discovered that the music had long stopped! What started with a mere appreciation led to my first blush (errr ok fine .. I am a girl!) and stupidly plastered smile.

Yes I was crushed. Each class and I would pray to get paired up with him – practise moves and loved it when he pointed out my errors (he was NOTICING ME people – to heck if I was dancing lousy !!!) And then Dirty Dancing did NOT happen! The twist came – A & D spotted me at Shivaji Park and while they teased me about seeing me with “someone” it hit me that they might be a couple!

So after gulping down shots of “orange juice” I decided to let things be and give up my crush (Ohhhh please crush and lust too have a turn around period OK?) That was till the time the classes resumed again today and when A messaged me reminding me of the class it did not matter that the same was sent to all the “extras” to me it was a personal message!

A took the class today … even D was surprised that he agreed to lead us :oops: … M was taken in for the first lead session as I watched (by the pillar sighing) – guess the sighing was so loud that for all the next leads he took me (No M it was not because he got it that you are guilty! :P ) and I was this ‘bateesi’ girl. All this while D watched .. didn’t watch did not matter – all that mattered was A wanted me to look at him when we danced (to improve eye contact – hell but he did right???) and when he told others that in the “lead” it was only we who would know the next step – I did not read it too much into the lines M!!!! :roll:

I was discreet I mean he just made me forget my moves (on the FLOOR guys!) and nothing else! So during the final dance as he spun beyond my capacity and I searched for his hand frantically he sttod there with his arms hands extended to catch me ! When I finally grasped him he burst out into laughter and told me that he was right there where he should be and that I should not grasp him but merely flow into his arms palms! Aaah well siggghhhh if only D wasn’t at Shivaji Park with you A!

And then it happened all of a sudden D screams from across the room – “DW I saw that”! As the room turns to me I go like “WHAT did you see!” (trust me I haven’t even been so defensive ever!). I think she got scared and said – the way you messed up with the hands ! Phewwww … OK! I smiled – yes I messed up I said (Ya right! The heart flipped).

I was skipping on the pavement coz I won the class contest A had planned (it was called the CHASE :roll: ) and yes instead of a dairy milk he is now to give me “Bourneville” for I “earned” it! ;) ;) I handed over a note to the bus conductor with my bateesi out and forgot to tell him the stop. It was only when M laughed her guts out at the bus conductor too smiling at me with raised eyebrows that I fumbled out the name of my stop. Rest of the way I giggled like a girl … suddenly discovered my love for Jagjit Singh’s “hoshwalon ko khabar kya”… skipped again on the pavement with M screaming behind to the bystanders that she doesn’t know me.. mushed up the neighbourhood Kitty. And aaah well decided to be lady James Bond on the mission to know if D is dating A!

 

Not that am gonna date A … just for general knowledge you see – it might be asked in the next CAT exam! :mrgreen:

 

And you guys actually thought this was all about the movie review Mumbai Salsa!!!! Grow up guys … the real Salsa action in Mumbai lies somewhere else! ;) ;)

_____________________________________________________

P.S: This one is for you M – for my attempt at not to feel guilty each time I am happy!

P.P.S: Before I posted thanks M for discovering that A and D are doing birds and bees … I again need to go back to hearing Umrao Jaan tonight! :cry:

 I need my socks and hot water bag again tonight! :( … wait a second what if they are just “good friends” … baah I kill whoever cites Shahid Kapoor and Priyanaka Chopra on that comment of mine! :evil:

Do you know the Zip Code of North Pole???

Posted on by under All about me...

Dear Santa,

 I hope I am just in time and you haven’t really made up your gift-recipient list. I know you must have got the letter from Calvin like each year – but this is my first and you better MIND IT! (and not a 40 pager one –  MIND IT too!! – btw do u watch Rajnikanth too? – just curious about his reindeer and polar bear fan following u see!!!).

 

Every year I guided Calvin to write the perfect letter…

 

  But after the last year fiasco, aah well I wouldn’t say I’m hurt for I like all hugs and all, but just that I wanted Christmas to be a bit special for me this year (read in material sense of the world please! :roll: )

 

  Cummon don’t cringe your nose, I mean if not for me, do you think he’s ever be what he is today? Okay Okay I am not bragging here, but still. I mean Dude, be nice for once. And it’s not that I want LOADS of things, I fact I am listing out 10 and you could just pick 5 you see. Yes, Bless me for I am a noble kiddy Tiger.

 Now siree, in case you are done blessing me and calling out the reindeers and elves to show that kids like me do exist, would you please care to read my list?

  1.  Lifetime supply of Starbucks freshly ground coffee (80% coffee + 20% chicory mix), M&M(s), (yoghurt base) Hagen Dass,  fresh morning bunch of white lilies and pink roses, Blue berry muffins  and errr Davidoff’s too. (Can you throw in some unreleased F.R.I.E.N.D.S eposides too???? – pretty please *batters his whiskers*)
  2.  A DLR with Carl Zeis extensions (don’t ask me which extensions – JUST GET ALL OF THEM WILL YA!)
  3. A transmogrifier (yes for real please – I mean you think the stuff characters demand in cartoons they are not serious???)
  4. A year where NO ONE shall bug me about my marriage or stuff stupid proposals my way.
  5. The power to call upon a genie to fulfill a million wishes next year (on an as and when required basis you see)
  6.  Wish 1 + Wish 2 + Wish 3 + Wish 4 + Wish 5
  7. Wish 2 + Wish 4 + Wish 1 + Wish 5 + Wish 3
  8. Wish 3 + Wish 5 + Wish 2 + Wish 4 + Wish 1
  9. Wish 5 + Wish 1 + Wish 3 + Wish 2 + Wish 4
  10. Wish 4 + Wish 3 + Wish 5 + Wish 1 + Wish 2

 Not much right? Ok Hope to see you soon then. Btw, Calvin wants to put a glass of milk for ya – but I’d go with his Dad! (Told ya I’m the nicest kid in the block! :mrgreen: )

 

  P.S: Just to rub it in again – as you can see above Calvin wasn’t really a good boy (for years he kept me deprived of gifts and fooled the emotional me with hugs – like typical men of today! ) so maybe we can devise a plan over here to get back for all those things he didn’t share with me.

 Like usual I’ll do this plan with him …

 

 

And then just as he goes below the chimney to spot you –  you can do this

 

 Innocently Yours,

 

 

 

 

Hobbes

 P.P.S: – Maybe you can leave just a candy (and nothing else MIND IT!) for Calvin this year. After all he convinced me to believe in you! Yes, that’s again the angelic kid in me speaking – Should I revise the list and adda few more things? Do let me know? :mrgreen:

The one where I represent my client "Rajnikanth" …

Posted on by under All about me...

And so we land here – albeit Shiela is losing (Vimmuuu please note its Shiela and not Sheela!!!) but then the situation that really bothers us is not really that! It’s many of us breaking our cell phones or abandoning our inboxes courtesy Rajnikanth forwards from the Gujrati born Tamizh possessed man that is the cause of concern today! So when Rajnikanth himself approached me to file a PIL before the Supreme Court for him, I sought just one day – the Sunday (you see he doesn’t know that courts don’t work on Sundays – for Rajnikanth the world works when he wakes – u get it!!!! – yea that 1345623 numbered joke Hitchy sent ya?) to serve a legal notice. Here it is in the most innovative form:

 So what does the ghee dipped “dhokla” tell Hitchy in his dream???

I know u want it but you’re never gonna get it tere hath kabhi na aani
maane na maane koi duniya ye saari mere ishq ki hai deewani 

What do you think Hitchy’s pot-belly would tell the world when they scorn at it?

ab dil karta hai huale haule se main khud ko gale lagaun
kisi aur ki mujhko zaroorat kya main to khud se pyaar jataun..

What does each dessert scream out to Hitchy?

haye re aise tarse humko ho gaye sau arse re

sookhe dil pe megha banke teri nazariya barse re..
  
What did Hitchy tell Hetal when he asked her out?

 Dhokla khakra khandva poori I need a woman who can give me all that
soy milk, yog hurt, low carb, no, no, I don’t like her like that

After “Shaara seher mujhe Loin ke naam se jaanta hai” what is the next famous dialogue in India?

my name is Hitchy, pehne huye phantom ki chaddi
I’m too sexy for u, mainu pata hai tera dil hai dardi
no no no no Hitchy, Hitchy ki Jawani
I’m too sexy for u, main tere hath na aani..

 Happy B’day Hitchy – may the land of Gujarat never be bereft of dhoklas, khandvas and meethi daal. And err Rajnikanth jokes (btw my number is being tracked for my links with Radia – will that act as a detriment now for the forwards? :P )

 So here’s the cake for you and yes of course needless to say the purple font color is an ode to your DP and your preferred chaddi color and as for the song I leave it for your own words!!!!

Insaaf ka Tarazu…

Posted on by under All about me...

Does my post title seem to bear any reference to Rakhi Sawant’s latest show – aah well if it does I am not surprised. For Rakhi ka Insaanf gives me the drama which the new avatar of Dolly Bindra in Big Boss 4 fails now days and thereby leaves my weekdays drab!

 And then I stumbled upon this and was bewildered.

 

 I don’t know how many of you remember my love for Munni and her sense of commitment ( I put her above Heer Ranjha and Soni Mahiwaal you see – please let’s not go Greek over our ‘desi girls’!!!), so this very comparison left me like – Ya Right!

 Though I vehemently disagree with all the brownie points given to Shiela, I think I can understand from where it comes from – the line where she goes “I’m too sexy for you”!

After all its all about the chase you see. And Munni loses our just there. :cry:

For Munni is this simple girl, who wants to soothe her lover’s pain, who wants to be sexy, intoxicating but then can give it all up to be demure – just for her love. She’s infamous true – but then again for love. She’s regular so her name suggests for each common girl has an unnoticed love story to tell – history says, the present nods, the future gears up to face.

 While Shiela with her name comes out of the coveted ‘Playboy’ magazine – over whom you can lust but then when could you have poster girls like her in your life?

As she sings “I know you want it, But never going to get it”, it excites the male ego for they love such chases. The mystery in a woman not giving in has always enthralled a man and then Munni seems just a ‘next-door-girl’ who is throwing herself at her man!

 Sheila challenges the male ego by being material by making it clear that:

Paisa gaadi mehnga ghar

I need a man who can gimme all that

Jaibein khaali fateechar

No no I don’t, I don’t like that

 So when the same man hears Munni singing that:

“Ho kaise anaari se paala pada ji paala pada

Bina rupaiye ke aake khada mere peechay pada”

And that for such a man she’s ready to go from ‘item’ to ‘aam’, the male ego takes her for granted – as the perfect back up, for times when probably she won’t be able to live up to the expectations of Shiela the ‘material girl’!

Shiela is self-centered and the perfect narcissist and to any man his woman loving anyone (be it herself!) more than him is not acceptable so when Shiela sings that:

“Ab dil karta hai haule haule se, main toh khud ko gale lagaun

  Kisi aur ki mujhko zaroorat kya, main toh khud se pyaar jataun”

Munni’s chants based on Ghalib’s words that “Pyaar mein badnaam huye toh kya Ghalib naam na hua” … somewhere loses out! She appears then a rustic girl too desperate, while Shiela appears to be just out of the ‘Sex and the City’ fame – clicking stilettos and not giving a damn to the bunch of flowers and dinner invites lying in her mailbox!

 As Shiela cajoles men to utter her name, she builds up the craving of the man who wants to go for the oomph she oozes, and then Munni who admits her downfall in love is sidelined – for the one is hand always looks inferior to the one in the bush right?

 But still, Munni is the winner for she epitomizes love while Shiela is all about oomph and lust that shall die away someday when her ‘jawani’ is no more. But Munni shall live on for she is not scared to grow old from ‘amiya’ to ‘aam’ in love.

 Someday when all the ‘jawani’ is over Munni, people will appreciate you – just wait and watch. Your sacrifice shall not go a waste! As for Shiela all the best for your ‘jawani’ hope Rekha is your inspiration!