Ever since I lost her 10 months ago (wow I’m using the word lost n referring to her in past tense – life does move on!) I’d this Asian Koel visit me. During the Mumbai spring it wasn’t unheard of – you befriending a mocking bird. Why that particular breed, maybe because we bonded through the species. So long back when parents had set foot outside home leaving me with her, she didn’t know what to do with a kid who had all her homework wrapped up by 9 in the morning – so in that then huge palatial house we sat by the window and watched birds. She taught me to identify them and mock them too!
I in turn tried to teach Tamanna the same things – when I was her pseudo mom’ that is … She gor bored of these things very fast. Teenage! A, her counselor told me and I nodded, mentally making a note though to ask my mentor on how to keep her motivated, when I went home.

I did go home, but to ask her to leave. Those scenes still haunt me, but I knew if I didn’t hold her hand and ask her to leave he wouldn’t. They laugh at me when I say this, say her time was up. I know what I mean and the doctor on duty so I leave it there. Why this today, well the Asian Koel followed me to Hyderabad and though my ears might me ringing I heard it yesterday morning and I begged it to leave. She had taught me how Koel in general is aversive to cold – I once again couldn’t be selfish. Today as I missed it I wondered if it’s good to be selfish at times – Esp if it meant wanting that white sandalwood smelling lap, the one where no fear was small but then they dint seem grave enough and those hands who till the last shaped me to stand where I do today?

Will I ever be selfish if life rewinds or will the values she’s imbibed in me take over? I wonder …