I am a stickler for public transport. I mean give me the option for a chauffeur driven car and train/ bus passes I’ll gladly settle for the latter, for any ride in the former bores me out of my wits! I love looking at people, interpreting their background/ thoughts and yes often picking up a few snippets of their conversation too (yes, yes BAD GIRL moi!!!)
Last evening on train as I shuffled through my IPod for that one song which had suddenly disappeared, my ears shot up when I picked up a few words from my neighbor. She was on phone, apparently narrating to a friend about her sister-in-law who woke up that morning to discover an ‘unknown mobile’ in her husband’s pocket and cross questioning led to a calm husband telling her about his affair and how he’s not remorseful of what he’s done. As I went back to my IPod, my mind somewhere loomed around the conversation.
I thought about the wife and tried to picture a distraught her, but could not! I tried imagining the husband, blowing circles of smoke out of tension, but failed there too! I tried to picture the ‘other woman’ and in fact smiled for all I could imagine was a hazy face and a recent post by MM!
Fidelity – the most essential thing we are taught as a kid when introduced to the concept of marriage. “Dog is the most faithful companion of man” – haven’t we all at some point of time read this in our textbooks along with the reason that a dog sticks to his master through thick and thin?
And then we grow up to witness advertisements like of a famous Russian vodka company which boldly reads, “Married by the Day, Single by the Night” or the recent Micromax ad where two boys think they are dating the same girl, but are relieved when they find differences in her mobile colour (interchangeable mobile covers can help you maintain an array of boyfriends without getting anyone suspicious, apparently!) and wonder what has fidelity come to?
Somewhere to be serious I find the entire concept of fidelity to be not only over-rated but also mis –interpreted. One look at all the television soaps floating around and you’ll come to interpret fidelity as always sticking by your spouse’s side throughout the day instead of thick and thin! There even a jog with the opposite gender or a drive is capable of bringing in doubts! And then with the entire concept of miscellaneous spouses being so apparent on EACH and EVERY soap, I think we have got our concepts totally mixed up!
I mean I wouldn’t hold up my guy for an outing with his female jing bang, or for a drive with a girl! But yes, I admit I wouldn’t take it lying down if any of the above is done with the tag line of the above mentioned ad! But somewhere while the entire scenario today has come to hint at fidelity to be shattered once it leads to a different bed-game, for me the definitions are a bit modified. To clarify, I feel that somewhere even if my guy sleeps with me each night and I do everything to ensure that, is that enough to have a peaceful sleep? Isn’t a mind game where despite of lying with me on the same bed, but his mind and heart somewhere else amount to cheating/ fidelity towards me? Is the sense of trust today only restricted to physical intimacies?
The other thing that has always irked my previous generation is my take on ‘falling out of love’ in relationship. I fail to understand as to why we need to hold on to a failing relationship just for the heck of it! Didn’t we all have our first teenage crush only to let it go (no exception stories here please!), didn’t you discard the doll that you promised to hand down to your daughter at age 5? Then why can’t we decide the same for a relationship when the entire essence of love leaves it? Just sticking by each other to put up a sham marriage for the society, doesn’t that equally violate the definition of fidelity?
Kids, did you say? Aah by sticking around what are we teaching them? That it’s OK for one party to actually take it laying down whatever is being offered, for the ‘greater good’? We think we try to teach them harsh realities of life so that they don’t repeat ‘mistakes’ but in the end by sticking around aren’t we teaching them that there are people who’ll still carry on with a relationship despite fidelity being shoved up their face???
The other thing that irks me is the definition of ‘other woman’ and the concept of her wronging the entire world! When in reality how do you defined being wronged? Ain’t all 3 parties in equal footing (presuming the spouse who decides to stick by for the ‘society’). Why is the ‘home breaker’ so tagged always? Why is the spouse refusing to come out in the open to admit things gone astray seen as faithful? If the OW is a ‘keep’ isn’t the spouse a ‘keeper of a failed relationship’?
I will not say that I am a cool, easy going person when it come to my guy. No I am possessive in my own way and have my share of blues to when he ignores me or when I think he’s not paying me attention. But somewhere the entire concept of fidelity to me arises much before he leads somewhere else to bed. To me it’s not cool even to just have ‘fun’ with another person and the defense that no physical play is involved doesn’t stand. To me it’s more about the way we are connected in the mind that gives rise to the entire concept of ‘ties’ and not whether he and his childhood bum chum actually shared a room in the back packing trip?
But yes, I will never allow myself to be tagged as a ‘keep’ for there’s no such term in love and neither will I allow myself to be a ‘keeper’ for in self dignity there’s no such term!
I think we are utterly confused here today, so what’s your take on fidelity?
In case you have somethign to say, please consider yourself tagged and do a post and yes don’t forget to link it back!
First
Yes a perfect post for you to come first in me thinks!
wait a sec…Did u just call me a dog?????????
Yes. U have a problem?
She is not faithful yakshi..she forgot our machli post
I did not … I’m preparing something in return Mr. Naradmuni
err that q was for u dingbat!!!
I will be always faithful to my Yakshi n monster lungi gang!
Note:Mermaids not included
Thank god for little mercies! Phew!
have u heard abt vampire mercy killings?
No I don’t track vampire killings, beneath my dignity!
atta boy…you passed the Sita fire Exam with unscathed fangs
Where’s Tan and S???
Tan is arrogant i dont like her
So now its S?
whtever!!
How dare you call me arrogant
Sorry Tan..its all over now! Its too late coz I already found my shruthi
Its been nice knowing u..sobs
Yes and tht was my genuine reason for breaking up with u..
good bye
Whatever… Break up??? When were we together….
Godddd u r dumb!!!
Is that what u call S lovingly “shruti” ???
Go beat the day lights out of him!
i liked the part about the dogs
So marley dies in the end huh ..poor thing!
U need a shrink!
and ooh yeah abt the train oggling part..even i do tht daily
I don’t ogle pervert!:|
yes u do!! pervert eavesdropper!!
Some people think they know everything n I just let them bask in their ignorance … So keep it up Brat!
Not first!
Koi na … Silver is in
A very controversial post. Oh I have nothing against infidelity, but dishonesty pisses me off. The person who is taking on another relationship better be honest about it to the one he/she is “cheating”on, and keep fulfilling his/her responsibilities towards her/him. Otherwise there is no moral validity to it.
Exactly my point Ritu – I eman if I love someone else and truely so why can’t I come out and claim it in the open? Why should society guide me then, when it did not when I took the decision of fall in love?
And the other thing is my take on fidelity v. trust, how does the former stand with no basis of the latter in existence?
Is a sham life where everyone claps arund you for a happy marriage while the curtains in your room wintess a different story, truly worth it?
I believe that Love flew out of the window if one of the spouse is unfaithful. In such a case there is no point in being a Keeper of relationship as a relationship without love is always a two way road
I firmly believe that being unfaithful is not just about getting someone into your bed
Yes Saks .. when love flew out of the window what’s the point in sitting by it and calling out. Will you be able to accept it even when it came back? How long will u put up the sham, and where is the self esteem you teach your daughter then?
Nopes, i have better things to do than nursing a broken heart…I might actually go out and try to get hold of Johnny Depp and marry him
Yes true … Maybe I wouldn’t do that but yes won’t ever accept the person back for ANYTHING!
u better not do that… I mean trying an Urvashi and Meneka act on my Johnny boy
I don’t even like him
Dont worry yakshi i will make a bengali fish fry for u if she even tries to stare at ur deppy boy!
Yawwwwnnn …
pahhh I hereby declare that you have pathetic men ogling powers
Errrrr … No way!
yeah she likes some vir das donkey..Blehh!!!
OK STOP RIGHT THERE
Vir das is a donkey!!
Vir das is a donkey!!
Vir das is a donkey!!
Vir das is a donkey!!
Vir das is a donkey!!
Vir das is a donkey!!
At least he’s faithful unlike u
Vampires are not faithful..we are Fangfull…
By the way u r not in my team so SHOOOO
You don’t like Johnny Depp? :O
Koi nahi Saks, I will give you competition. Depp will not be yours so easily. Boohoohaahaa
This shall be fun to watch with a bowl of popcorn
Btw what’s Depp got that my man aint got
Depp has got a die hard fan like sexy moi…that errr your man better not have
He has me
Or wait r u saying me not sexy?
u r NOT saxy isss!!
U r just BULKY!!
Stop soiling my serious post
Meira aren’t you supposed to be Krishna’s dasi?
Isn’t slavery banned
???
Meira dont u dare touch yakshis deppy or be ready to face the wrath of a blood thirsty vampire!!
Meira u have a lawyer at your disposal … Never b scared of threats!
I’ve never come across any good looking Krishnas in my life, Saks
So I will settle for Depp
U mean Depp is good looking?
..after tht im coming to get u.. Fish brains!!
Today i decided to have a combo meal!! grrr
Yes loose motions will surely compliment your loose emotions state!
can i use ur throne?
I agree with you. Fidelity to me is being together emotionally and not just physically.If the guy’s mind is not in it, I would be most eager to let the relationship go. And society can curse me as much as it wants to!
Hey Meira, welcome to my blog1 Finally!
and thank you for the lvoely words. i compeltely agree with you and trust me the society’s curse then seems like a pitiful way of they trying to save their own skin!!!
I agree with Ritu too. I would expect my guy to be honest if he “fell in love with another person”. I would then show him the middle finger and leave. But if sanity prevailed, I might wish him good luck! But stay in a loveless relationship? Doesn’t make sense to me.
Completely … Me too would like to be told n not find it out … N then would like to wish n leave n not leave with curses!
Your post reminded of tht ben stiller movie “Along came Polly”
I remember reference to the same somewhere else too on my blog
bcoz it was one of those emosionallll movies tht made a bat cry
AwwwwwwwwwWw
watch it na ..its funny actually ..puh plzzzz
Ok I will …
If there are no double standards and two people are happy and not being exploited or emotionally blackmailed, I would not judge them or their relationship.
I agree there is no point in hanging on to a relationship that does not even exist. But then a lot of relationships are based on a different kind of contract – not love. Some people pay with their self respect and peace of mind, for social approval, a sense of security and maybe a feeling of belonging. I feel it’s their life they must choose what is more important to them.
I agree with you IHm that to each his own, but unfortunately the sense of exploitation does creep in sometime or the other. Life an account book at 40, kinda thing! And what aboutt he lessons we impart on self esteem to tohers then, doesn’t that some where look like a hypocrisy? Why live a sham when we talk so much about morality – is morality only to save your marriage and not bring shame to family? Isn’t it also not letting your own self ego be hurt?
We all have the right to choose what is important and most apt for us, bu then again why should the society tag the OW then? Why should she be tagged as a home breaker then? Ain’t we denying her choice, her sense of peace of mind? Where do the children find their sense of belonging and peace? How do they come to terms with their own dysfunctional family? What about their dilemna that everyone thinks my family life to be perfect, while no one asks me what I see?
followed the ping and enjoyed the read. i think the problem is that we’re all taught fidelity. but no one teaches us to reach for a dream or follow the heart. this is something that comes naturally and suddenly the teachings and the yearnings come into conflict. perhaps if from the beginning we were taught to follow the heart, we’d make better choices and hurt less people?
Hey MM, welcome! True words there, but somewhere I don’t think we are actualy taught what fidelity entails – we are just taught the concept as handed down through generations! Doesn’t fidelity also include being truthful – then why isn’t their truth when love is lost – why can’t people take ownership of the actions/ situation?/
as for following the heart and facing consequences – i totally agree, life would be easy fro both the ‘keep’ and ‘keeper’ and yes would be with less tags!
Thanks for the visit and hope to see you around!
Fiddly diddly doo!! bahh!!
A very interesting chain of thought S.
Sometimes I feel fidelity is so obvious. When you truly love someone how is it possible to be disloyal to him? I can’t stand all the nonsense of moving on and falling out of love… maybe I am old fashioned but I believe firmly in the one true love and happily ever after kind of relationship. And in such a relationship, I have no space for any sort of infidelity. I know my man is loyal and I know it will be that way.
I can so empathize with the confusion you talk about. To what degree do we take a ‘tie’? Sigh. I wish there were well defined limits so to speak but then isn’t love an entirely spontaneous emotion? Seeing your beau with someone else may be perfectly normal a few times – they may be friends, colleagues, whatever. But when your gut tells you things are fishy and you’re probably been taken for a ride, it’s the time to take a firm stand. I personally don’t take any hanky panky when it comes to dealing with relationships of any sort but if the very raw need of commitment – being loyal – is being missed out upon, then there’s no question of keeps.
But D is anything forever in this life? When not our breaths why do u expect emotions to stay that way? What is wrong is not falling out of love, but hiding it – guessthat is what makes it taboo. For if u do something to hide, even u know it’s something wrong! Whereas it is not, its the society that defines us. Just the way society defines ‘keeps’ and ‘keepers’. Wish we for once as mad Momma says heard our heart, not what what some other voice says is the defined way of living a life!
Oops. When I babble, even WP messes up and makes it twice as babbl-y!
I like your babble and so fixed the WP trouble!
Long time back i had written a one liner post- ruminating whether i’d want a ‘loyal’ someone or a ‘faithful’ someone. There is a thin line. Somebody commented saying faithful is rama, loyal is krishna. Though I choose to differ.
http://toblog-withlove.blogspot.com/2010/08/take-your-pick.html
Your post just reverberated my thoughts in full throttle. I completely agree that ‘physical intimacies’ is not the only criteria for infidelity!
What a nice thought S .. I’ll love to check the post pout .. thanks for sharing and yes I went ROFL on that Rama part too
Was this post about fidelity, love, relationships… I think it was something related to that, bcoz I really forgot what I had read while scrolling through the comment section
On a serious note I think people misunderstand the concept of fidelity… It is not about being with the same person all the time but its about being yourself and letting him be and yet love and trust each other…
Ohhh my comment section always makes me confused too, so its ok if u are lost
What you said Tan I think is perfect, but the problem is two fold, one of not realising this and secondly when lost not accepting it! The latter bigger I feel!
In my recent post abt the movie, Its Complicated, the best part I liked is Meryl Streep breaks up with her husband becos he cheated her by having an affair. She tells him later after 10 years, that she might be responsible for a lot of other problems in their relationship, but nothing mattered to me, when u cheated.
Its so true – for me, a relationship between two ppl is formed with trust, honesty and love as foundations. And while trust and honesty are very important, for even love to bloom. To keep up the trust is the most important task for both the partners.
Physical presence alone doesnt volunteer a good marriage, its the telepathic connection between the two – where both of them connect in their mind and heart, which assures a good relationship and a marriage.
I’ll love to see the movie .. wait making note
What u defined Uma is soo correct, but my question is beyond that … when love flies out of the window, do u sit by ands romanticize or close the window without cursing?
Why do we tag the 3rd party is the home breaker when everyone involved is somewhere putting up a sham in a marriage which we try to save for the heck of the society????
I think thats what I tried to tell in Meryl Streep’s words, but I guess I was not so clear.
If a partner cheats on the other, there can be no one night stand or what the heck – its only physical – NO, that doesnt work.
Maybe we curse or cry or feel terrible – but whatever that relationship cannot be the same.
Very true – the other woman alone is not responsible – what was this man’s part in it ???
There are a whole sect of ppl who live for the society and for them everything is to be tolerated, for the sake of society or kids or there can be hundred reasons.
But the few who look for comfort, trust, happiness in relationship, a total 100% commitment should be there – from both partners.
Agree to all that … But not for the sake of kids … I somehow can’t agree to that!
I agree with what you have written too!
But, fidelity is such a fickle concept nowadays!
loved your post!
Ohhhh completely fickle … N somewhere we have it pickled now too!
Thanks Pixie